I'll Be Busy Until Mid-July

quite possibly THE greatest email EVER!

2009-05-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

so, the dactyl is online dating again... and after rescheduling dates twice with this "sensitive artist" (we'll call him) b/c of supremely bad cramps (which i told him was food poisoning), and business related issues (which were legitimate camera problems that were causing me massive amounts of stress), i sent him a very polite and apologetic email about how i needed to cancel b/c of various personal crap, that i was sorry to waste his time, etc and wished him the very best... and THIS gem is the response that i got (mind you, we'd never met in person or even spoken on the phone):

subject: i don't know why i'm even bothering writing this, you won't respond anyway...

i knew this was going to happen. what a waste of time indeed and amazingly predictable to boot. personally,i don't think you ever had any intention of ever going out with me in the first place. do you usually string people along like this? why bother being on a PERSONALS site if you behave this way? unless you're just setting up some dates for the next place you move to,or you had a better offer and you're bullshitting me lol. was the camera ever broken in the first place? ;) you may not think of yourself as a flake,but trust me honey...you are. a giant one. apologies not accepted.

thank goodness i didn't put all my eggs in one basket,so to speak (because of nonsense like this.) i usually don't say this to people,especially women...but go fuck off. have a nice life.

.... oh believe me... i responded. :)

match.com provides the greatest entries...

2008-05-15T09:51:00.001-07:00

from a friend... this is her favorite opening email thus far. i'm pretty sure that he didn't get a reply:

Hi There ..Gorgeous !!
Yes I decided to wink at you knowing fully well you might not be ready for a wink yet ..but what can I do ..as Maddona rightly says time goes by in a wink ..so next time pay attention to the small things ..makes sense ..?? Hmm no I just did not up and wink you ..I read you profile and found certain very interesting traits which are not present in most of the modern day women ..unfortunately those are the ones I keep running into ..such is life.
To take matter more into my hands rather then my ex-wife destiny ..I have decided to have my own TV series like http://www.mtv.com/ontv/dyn/thats_amore/series.jhtml
If this dumb Italian can have 15 American women lined up like cattle dying to profess their love ..what's wrong with the Indian Prince with a palace to look for a bride for his harem collection. Of course love at first sight is all it takes ..once they see my palace ..and I take them out to see the lions in the jungle for a date .. ..an elephant ride on my own elephant ..ahhhh what can be more exciting then watching the snake charmer who makes the King Cobra dancing like a tame puppy.or checking out my mom's millions of dollars worth or jewelry ..and you might get a piece if selected to the harem.
Maybe a flyby over Taj Mahal to see a dead queens tomb might make you fall in love ..if you are a water babe ..I can even take you to Goa ..where the white sands and miles of warm blue water lie waiting for you to enjoy ..(it's warm trust me not like the cold beach of California) ..or maybe the land of Coconuts ..Kerala ..where they have some amazing oil massages only for the rich and the famous.. hmmm still wondering if you will get the key tonite to the palace ..maybe you need to learn the art of cooking from a pro chef in India ..that definitely will be a final passing test.
Not the pasta ..some mouth watering chiken tikka might just get you That Amore ..baby.
Yes all this and tons more to come ..!!
Namaste and welcome to the real world.

- Your Prince Charming (name has been removed to protect the idiotic)

this might be the greatest thing i've EVER heard...

2008-05-14T13:12:00.001-07:00

dactyl here... this was just related to me via IM... about a friend's coworker's friend's match.com horror story. personally, i think this is greatest thing i've ever heard:

one of her friends went on there and decided that all first dates would be 20 minutes and coffee only
she was waiting in line with him and he's like "i'll order... why don't you just head upstairs?"
she's asked how she would know which table was his and he's like "oh... you'll know".

he had laid out a bunch of red roses and a box of chocolates.

and then he sits down and said "so i thought i'd just get this out on the table... i have herpes."
she's like "thank goodness this coffee is in a to go cup!!!"
aaaand she left.

----

greatest. shizzle. EVAH!!!

6 months free

2008-04-07T21:31:00.000-07:00

In response to a Match.com's commitment to offering 6 months of their service free if you don't find "true love" in the FIRST 6 months of joining, my friend responds, "If I couldn't find someone in 6 months, I wouldn't want 6 more, I'd want assisted suicide."

When Women Have a Powerful Voice

2008-03-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Busy Until Readers,

I have heard from a few of my nearest and dearest non-dateable guy friends that our new little forum is "scary". I only find that TOTALLY hysterical because the thing is, we talk about ALL of this stuff just as publicly before. It just happened to be over Martinis or hang overs or tears. And trust you me - ALL these stories (new and old) were told and retold just as fast before.

I think it's the written word that scares them.

In the Name of Dating,
Amanda

i'll be busy EMAILING

2008-03-19T13:45:00.000-07:00

hey ladies (and gents if you feel like ribbing us with some stories about OUR mistakes), the i'll be busy til email address is ready to go.

if you'd like to email us with some great tales of woe... or joy... or hilarity (my personal favorite), please email us at phddating@gmail.com. we'd love to hear from you. do it, do it, DO IT.

i'm about to tell you about the worst first date i've ever been on... so in honor of my worst first date, let's hear yours. email us your stories, and we'll vote on the worst.

hugs and butt pats ladies.

Why thank you sir, I was totally confused why I am still single

2008-03-17T15:21:00.000-07:00

"Your goals" (at the time I was gearing up for a potential Masters in Anthropology and contemplating a tour with the Peace Core. But also partying like it was 1969 at Studio 54), he said "lack luster and fantasy, and therefore we wouldn't be a good match."

Oh, did I mention we were half dressed in a hot tub swigging champagne out of the bottle somewhere in the wee hours of the morning? And He, he wanted to be a rock star at the young and dreamable age of 33.

Crushing then, laughable now.

stunning opening lines from strangers...

2008-03-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

when one dares to start dating via the interweb, one must prepare oneself for the inevitable onslaught of douchebaggery that's surely to follow.

please enjoy the following gem that i received a few days ago:

"I'm new in town and can't find my way around; could I have directions to your place?"

and then this one from a few days before that, which was lovingly titled "morning WIFE":

"LOL

You have a lot of fans...

Now you have ONE more. ;)"

i would also like to mention that winking emoticons are just the key to any woman's heart, guys. really... throw those babies in there as often as possible, because next to 3am text messages of 'hey baby' and asking us to split the check on a first date, winking emoticons are next on our favorite list.

WELCOME to "I'll be busy til mid-July"... the blog dedicated to all the wonderful ways in which men make mistakes in courting, dating, and breaking up with us. please let us know if you have any material of your own to add.

cheers ladies!!